Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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