Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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