I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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