I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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