omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
