i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
