I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
