glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
