More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
