i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize