so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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