i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
