didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
