She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
