I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
