in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
