Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
