Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
