He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
