You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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