I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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