he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
