The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
