i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
