it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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