Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
