i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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