yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
