Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
