It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
