God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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