so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
