I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
