Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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