definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
