so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
