i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
