i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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