You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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