It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
