And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
