You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
