but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
