Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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