i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
