I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
