I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is Oprah even human
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
