Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I sprained my soul last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I could fuck to npr.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
