Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
