I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
4 words: hood of his car
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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