Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
