he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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