i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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