drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
