4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My cat gives me a boner
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
