How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
