remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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