I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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