Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
