I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
