haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
