did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
