Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They have beer where we have blood.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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