i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
