so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
