saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there's paper in my vomit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
