i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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