those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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