K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
